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10 August 2007 @ 11:08 pm
She's not a toy  
I remember when we were out that time, together. Do you Effy? I do. It was the first time I'd got you drunk, thought I'd better do it. Any other might have pushed you over the limit, gone that bit too far. Not your brother, I've always protected you, you know? Sort of owned you as I'd say. Try and make Sid jealous sometimes. Use you against him as you're something he doesn't have. A little baby sister, kind of like a toy.

You've always been something I've stood up for, not fucked around, not manipulated. But in a way I've kind of always controlled you. Lead you down my path like playing with one of my toy cars when I was six and you were three.

Then there was that night at Ston Eaton. I remember it like it was yesterday. You hurt me Effy, you gave in to Josh, Spencer. I thought I'd taught you to be stronger than that, pulled your strings. But then I saw you lying there, like a rag doll. You were lifeless Effy. Then it hit me, you aren't a toy. Not to anybody else but me, your big brother. I keep you alive like new, not on the top shelf or under the bed, Effy. You understand me... don't you? You always do.